Ode to a Dish-Face (with apologies to Burns)

Taut and full, is your lying ruddy face

Great bawbag o’ the Tory race!

In ‘yon contemptible Murdoch’s embrace

Spineless tripe, clandestine

Deals, a national disgrace

Bereft of charms


For grasping vested interests shill

Your buttocks parted just to fill

Rebekah’s columns for a thrill

In thrall to Brooks

While through your deals the patients kill

You venal crooks.


Still cut for cut, they stretch and strive:

Devil take the NHS, on they drive,

Their coffers swollen by PFI

They’re bent and dumb;

Hear Chairmen of the Board, laughing to burst,

‘The Dividend’s Come!’.


We pray to see that Labour wipe,

You off the map, you shower of shite,

Trenching your gushing entrails bright,

Lose your deposits;

And then, O what a glorious sight,

The seatless halfwits!

Lines On A Young Man’s Affection For His Model

Shall I compare thee to a surface dataset?

Thou art more sinuous and less temperate

Tough minds do strip the certainty away

And HadObs range hath all too short a date


Sometimes breaching 2-sigma lines

And yet by aerosols remain undimm’d

As tree-by-tree conceals decline

It’s Chance (and Nature’s random walk) we’ve binned


But thy enforcéd heating shall not fade

Discard well ECS that is the low’st

As UHI skews measurements we’ve made

Remain – with this dissimulation – warm as tow’st.

Motorola RAZRi (XT890) Compatible Software

The RAZRi has an Intel chipset and is incompatible with a number of apps.

These are the app. I’ve personally, briefly, tested  and found compatible on 4.2.1

A2DP Switcher

AlpineQuest GPS Hiking


Amazon MP3

Anton’s Calendar Widget

(Google) Authenticator

BBC iPlayer

Big Buttons Keyboard Deluxe

Brightness Rotation


CamScanner (Full Version)


Contact Widget

DaysUntil Widget


ES File Explorer


Evernote Widget

EZ Time Tracker


Gleeo Time Tracker


Lightning Launcher

Lite LED

Multi Wifi Widget

Pocket Casts




Remember The Milk



SwipeTimes Pro

Tactile Player

Tap log


TuneIn Radio Pro

TweetCaster Pro

VIERA remote2


20th Century Up-tick

Fictitious parasite: purportedly a relative of the far less imposing Common Up-tick, but now almost universally regarded as a misidentification.

Originally believers described it’s “unprecedented” near-vertical attitude, and characteristic warning “BOOM!”. Subsequent examination reveals it’s likely to be a Gentle Down-tick that has gorged itself on dates but, finding it cannot process them properly, regurgitates an unordered mess.

This renders it so thin and unrecognisable that observers have trouble telling what it is, and which way it’s pointing.

Bully Goats

Increasingly elderly, tough, semi-domesticated livestock. Kept in line by a single ruthless herds-Mann, they owe their longevity primarily to constantly chewing over the same old cud.

In appearance, dominant Bully Goats can be readily identified, sporting distinctive facial hair (the “goatee”) and a thinning pate.

Behaviourally, Bully Goats are marked by a tremendously stubborn attitude, snorting and defending their ground, and reluctant to concede an inch, no matter how shaky it may be underfoot. Younger examples rarely thrive unless they emulate this behaviour.

On very rare occasions, a member of the herd  (or “Team” to use the proper collective noun) breaks ranks and goes rogue. The rest of the Team refer to this as a “Judith Goat”, claiming it’s aim is solely to lead other Team members to a ruinous end.

Marcott’s Chameleon

Newly discovered species, with a notable ability to generate a loud, colourful, attention grabbing display. However, when challenged, it uses a defensive mechanism that involves silently altering it’s conclusions in an attempt to blend into the background.

Juvenile examples can fall prone to opportunistic infestations of upticks. The uptick is thought to be passed on by contact with other slippery reptiles. This relationship can appear benign – even advantageous – but can be very damaging in the long run.

Lewandowsky’s (r)Egret

Dull grey plumage married with bizarre mannerisms identify this otherwise undistinguished bird.

Prone to indecipherable squawking, it has been caught in the wild ecstatically replying to the echo of it’s own calls.

Fossil records show that the (r)Egret has gradually evolved a longer and more flexible neck, perhaps in response to furious attempts to recurse up it’s own cloaca.

Recent observations indicate that it is a migratory species, in one case taking flight for thousands of miles and coming to rest in comfort in South-West England, prompting speculation it had fouled it’s previous nest.